Unfinished Letter to the Pope

Dear Ben,

I just wanted to wish you a happy new year, peace on earth, and all that. I know I’m a little late, but after that heart-warming spell of Christmas cheer you spouted on December 23 of last year, I really feel the need for some correspondence.

I was a little sad to read that you considered it important to highlight blurring gender roles as a danger to the existence of humankind. Not only was it a dubious slice of timing for someone calling themselves a Christian – its message was also wholly inappropriate.

Frau Halt Takes a Tenant (and regrets it)

Frau Halt was baffled as to why the Lord above was putting her faith to the test like this. She’d been as duteous as ever in all her daily affairs. Time and again she’d been telling off kids feeding the ducks in the park even though numerous signs clearly forbade such an act. Last Sunday alone she had scouted, spotted and subsequently reported seven older gentlemen in blatant defiance of the smoking ban. And, as always, she had diligently guarded her PIN code every time she used a cash point, even when she was sure only CCTV cameras were watching.